Internet Terminology Explained

I have noticed a need for a simple dictionary of computer terminology for clients, so I consulted some Australian experts and we've drawn up a list of the most commonly used phrases. (For US visitors, a ute is a pick up and prawns are shrimps):

Log On - Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.
Log Off - When it's a bit hot and the prawns are starting to burn.
Monitor - Keeping an eye on the prawns.
Download - The wood from the back of your ute for the barbie.
Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to your ute.
Byte - What your mother's yappy little dog does to your ankles when you visit.
Megabyte - From a larger dog.
Gigabyte - A byte from a bull terrier.
Website - Something that happens if you leave the ute in the shed for too long.
Search Engine - When the ute won't start.
Cursor - When it still won't go.
Yahoo - When it finally starts.
Network - What you should have done to the net before fishing for prawns.
Internet - Where you want the prawns to go.
Netscape - When the prawns found the holes in the net.
Modem - What your wife made you do to the lawns before you could start the barbie.

I hope this helps,
Tremendously, Mike